Tantrums in 1 year olds
Many parents feel that tantrums cannot or should not happen when kids are as young as 12 months old, but it is actually fairly common.
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Here’s an overview of why tantrums happen as young as a year of age and what you should (and should not) do about them.
Why is my 1 year old throwing a tantrum?
At this age, the most primitive or emotional part of the brain (the amygdala) is in control, and kids can go from happy to angry in a matter of seconds. Those feelings are big!
As I mention in my prior post, tantrums are developmentally normal. Testing limits is the job of our children (and setting them is our job). So please do recognize that your child is going through an important phase of development - as frustrating as it is - and learning emotional regulation and how to handle these big feelings is as important a milestone as learning to walk.
We often see tantrums in situations such as:
when you take away something that they want to play with
when they’re tired, hungry, over or under-stimulated or not feeling well
around times of developmental leaps
frustration around the inability to communicate something they want or need (this typically gets better as their language acquisition improves)
when they are overwhelmed by big feelings that they don’t yet know how to handle, such as fear, anxiety, stress, or change.
What do tantrums look like at this age?
Many parents under-estimate their young toddlers. By the age of 15 months, many infants understand what you mean when you say “no” - and will actually temporarily pause what they’re doing. They won’t always do what they’re told, but they do understand it!
Tantrums at this age can look pretty classic:
Screaming, crying, fighting you physically
“The Noodle” move — going limp as you try to put them into the car seat
Doing the opposite of what you say
Breath-holding
Ok, so what can I do?
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The good news about tantrums in this age is that you can often nip them in the bud.
Part of this is knowing your child, and trying to recognize signs that a tantrum is about to happen and jumping in.
Things to try
Solve the underlying trigger: address the trigger if possible: hunger, pain, fatigue, over/under-stimulation. My kids, particularly, seem to be prone to hypoglycemia induced tantrums — if they’re hungry, they don’t always recognize they’re hungry.
Distract: This is a particularly good trick at age 1-2 years, because they are more easily distractible. As kids get older, this move doesn’t work quite as consistently.
Maintain routines: Not always possible, of course. Disrupted routine are sometimes inevitable - this is part of life. But where you can, maintaining consistency can be very helpful so they don’t feel out of control.
Stay calm and do nothing: sometimes, we all just the space to feel our feelings.
Things not to do
Remember, these are primitive reactions. Your child is not trying to anger you, and their capacity for understanding is limited. You cannot react as you would to an adult. Do not:
take it personally
negotiate or teach in the moment
get upset yourself (I admit to struggling with this sometimes, and sometimes need to give myself a time out).
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Keep in mind that appropriate expectations are key here. Self-control is hard, and is a learned skill. At this age, children are early in their journey of developing it!
Hopefully these tips help you help your 1-2 year old on this phase of the journey.
