Health anxiety in parents
Health anxiety in parents is sky rocketing, and it is no surprise.
After pandemic parenting, and then the endless recurrent illnesses from last year, a little PTSD and fear about the start of school is normal.
Have you wondered: will it be better this year? I don’t want to mislead you, so first I have to say: I don’t know. But instead of focusing on that question, I want instead to arm you with some tips to help you navigate your own health anxiety this season.
Anxiety is not all bad
Let’s be clear. There’s nothing wrong with you if you have more health anxiety after parenting in the aftermath of a pandemic. That is EXPECTED. If you have been made to feel ashamed or alone for being cautious about your child’s health and safety, let me reassure you: you’re NOT alone.
Anxiety is adaptive.
We are evolutionarily designed to protect ourselves and our kids from threats. That fight-or-flight response is adaptive, and frankly, being attuned to it is appropriate. It makes you a good parent.
But things that are adaptive can become maladaptive.
The point at which your alert system is “on” all the time, or it is becoming harder to objectively assess the true likelihood of real vs perceived risks - it may be time to seek help.
Although only you and your family may be able to help you figure out where on the scale of adaptive-to-maladaptive your anxiety lies, here are some tips to help.
Perspective
Getting sick is part of childhood.
After an intense period where we have all been primed to be hyper-vigilant and watchful for every sneeze of sniffle, its easy to forget that part of normal childhood is exposure to illness (and the opportunity to develop the immune response). This doesn’t mean you throw caution to the wind - but recognize that your child getting sick is not a personal failure.
2. Give yourself grace
Do the obvious things, then give yourself some grace.
We tell our children all the time: as long as you're doing the best you can with the knowledge you have, thats what matters.
Extend yourself the same grace. Once you’ve done what you can to mitigate risk (things like staying up to date with shots, washing hands, etc) then you need to step back and recognize that sometimes sh** still happens.
3. Re-framing
You can only control what you can control.
Part of the learning curve of parenting is recognizing that we are going to have to be able to sit with a little bit of uncertainty and anxiety. It will be uncomfortable.
But please recognize that there are no real risk-free options in life, and that there are true benefits to our kids in being out in the world. Life is all a balance of risks and benefits.
4. Stop googling
Fear-mongering and extreme claims are click-bait.
The internet is a common source of health anxiety. Influencers and companies have every incentive to exacerbate your anxiety
Find trusted resources (such as this website) to get health info that is nuanced and evidence-based! Critically look at the qualifications of the person providing you information.
5. Seek help
If your preoccupation is disruptive.
Remember, some anxiety is normal. It is adaptive. But at the point where it is interfering with normal function (sleep, eating, socializing, having fun) then you may have reached the point where your anxiety is maladaptive.
There is no shame in this! But you also don't have to survive in this mental space. Please, please, reach out to a healthcare professional.
The Pediatrician Mom Bonus tip: Practice “real” self care. I don’t mean yoga, bubble baths or journals. I mean figuring out what you need, at an individual level, to thrive. Highly recommend Dr Pooja Lakshmi's book, Real Self Care, which provides practical, actionable tips.
Some final thoughts
This is a transition, and the season will be what it is. Spending a lot of energy worrying about whether or not your child will get sick won’t actually change your reality.
